Entries from Emili's Diary
Tuesday, August 28
I wish I could take a fat eraser to my brain. You know how some things stick to your mind no matter how much you hate them? I guess a shrink would diagnose me as wounded.
Maybe that’s a bit overboard. But the thing is, I can’t forget what happened. No, it wasn’t death or abuse or anything so awful.
Except to me.
I was in eighth grade. Skinny as a stick — well, that part hasn't changed. I was growing my hair out so it was kinda jagged with split ends. I was at the mall minding my own sweet business when two guys came up to me.
One of them tapped me on the shoulder, which was weird because I didn’t know him. But he was cute and in that quick second, I could feel my face grow hot and hope bubble up in my heart.
He was laughing. At first, I thought he was just a happy person, but then I realized he was laughing at me.
“You’re ugly,” he said.
He turned to his just-as-cute friend, gave him a swift jab in the side with his elbow, and they both cracked up.
My mouth froze up in shock and I couldn’t have talked if someone paid me. The second guy gawked at me and tried to bite back his grin. “Don’t listen to him. You’re not ugly. He’s being stupid.”
Then he laughed, and they both sauntered off.
I pivoted to the right and caught my reflection in the glass window of Gracie’s Boutique. I had no curves, my chin was too pointy, and my clothes hung on me like an orphan child. I was ugly.
Later, I told Jeannie what the guy said. She got mad and told me guys were idiots and not to listen.
But how do you turn your ears off?
Anyway, I knew he was right.
Thursday, August 30
School starts next week. Tenth grade. I can hardly believe it. NOW FOR THE BEST NEWS EVER! I have a boyfriend: Marc Rounder. He’s cute and tall and nice. And he likes me.
I got him without Farah. She was my ticket to getting a guy, but I got Marc all by myself. I wish he was more popular, but it’s okay. I’m not popular, so I guess we’re even.
I know it sounds shallow, but I want to be popular like Farah. All the guys like her. I wonder what it’d be like to walk down the hall and know all the guys were staring at you. Farah laughs about it.
I’m not laughing. I just want to know what it feels like. I want to know so bad I can taste it.
Jeannie doesn’t like Farah. She doesn’t like me much anymore either. Which is sad. Sometimes I miss Jeannie. But with Farah, it’s exciting. There’s always something going on. I never had that with Jeannie.
I wonder what my classes will be like this year. Maybe Marc will walk the hall with me. Wow, that’d be so cool.
Sept. 1
Farah slept over last night. She spent about two hours griping about Marc. He’s too nice, too calm, too BORING. Why can’t she like him? I like all her boyfriends. I defended him, but I wanted to scream.
Farah major sucked-up to my mom. And Mom went right along with it. Made me mad because my mom came off looking stupid.
Later when we went to bed, Farah did her teacher impressions and we cracked up so hard I thought we’d pee our pants. Turned into a fun night after all.
Sept. 4
Yesterday was the first day of school. Jeannie barely said hi. I tried to talk with her and goof around, but she wouldn’t have it. Marcella had her nose so high in the air I’m surprised she didn’t get frostbite.
Marc walked me to class! Score!
He’s so nice. I wish he’d kiss me already.
I think I saw Jeannie watching us, but I’m not sure. Maybe she likes him, too. Hey, maybe Marc is popular.
Sept. 6
There’s a new guy at school. Not sure what his name is because I don’t have classes with him. I snooped, so I know he’s a sophomore like me.
He’s drop-dead gorgeous. My hands go clammy when I look at him. This morning in the hallway, he glanced my way and I think he winked. I hope I’m right. But then I was walking with Farah at the time, so maybe he was winking at her.
I didn’t dare say a thing. First of all, I have a boyfriend. Second of all, if Farah found out I thought he was hot she’d bug me till I’d want to strangle her. She’s always after me to do something even when I don’t want to do it. She usually gets her way.
I wonder if I’m cute enough for a guy like him? I think my hair is good. But I'm sure guys don’t think I’m cute. Proof One: Those two jerks in the mall. Proof Two: Never had a boyfriend until now. Proof Three: I have eyeballs and when I look in the mirror, I still see the girl those guys laughed at.
I wish I could take a fat eraser to my brain. You know how some things stick to your mind no matter how much you hate them? I guess a shrink would diagnose me as wounded.
Maybe that’s a bit overboard. But the thing is, I can’t forget what happened. No, it wasn’t death or abuse or anything so awful.
Except to me.
I was in eighth grade. Skinny as a stick — well, that part hasn't changed. I was growing my hair out so it was kinda jagged with split ends. I was at the mall minding my own sweet business when two guys came up to me.
One of them tapped me on the shoulder, which was weird because I didn’t know him. But he was cute and in that quick second, I could feel my face grow hot and hope bubble up in my heart.
He was laughing. At first, I thought he was just a happy person, but then I realized he was laughing at me.
“You’re ugly,” he said.
He turned to his just-as-cute friend, gave him a swift jab in the side with his elbow, and they both cracked up.
My mouth froze up in shock and I couldn’t have talked if someone paid me. The second guy gawked at me and tried to bite back his grin. “Don’t listen to him. You’re not ugly. He’s being stupid.”
Then he laughed, and they both sauntered off.
I pivoted to the right and caught my reflection in the glass window of Gracie’s Boutique. I had no curves, my chin was too pointy, and my clothes hung on me like an orphan child. I was ugly.
Later, I told Jeannie what the guy said. She got mad and told me guys were idiots and not to listen.
But how do you turn your ears off?
Anyway, I knew he was right.
Thursday, August 30
School starts next week. Tenth grade. I can hardly believe it. NOW FOR THE BEST NEWS EVER! I have a boyfriend: Marc Rounder. He’s cute and tall and nice. And he likes me.
I got him without Farah. She was my ticket to getting a guy, but I got Marc all by myself. I wish he was more popular, but it’s okay. I’m not popular, so I guess we’re even.
I know it sounds shallow, but I want to be popular like Farah. All the guys like her. I wonder what it’d be like to walk down the hall and know all the guys were staring at you. Farah laughs about it.
I’m not laughing. I just want to know what it feels like. I want to know so bad I can taste it.
Jeannie doesn’t like Farah. She doesn’t like me much anymore either. Which is sad. Sometimes I miss Jeannie. But with Farah, it’s exciting. There’s always something going on. I never had that with Jeannie.
I wonder what my classes will be like this year. Maybe Marc will walk the hall with me. Wow, that’d be so cool.
Sept. 1
Farah slept over last night. She spent about two hours griping about Marc. He’s too nice, too calm, too BORING. Why can’t she like him? I like all her boyfriends. I defended him, but I wanted to scream.
Farah major sucked-up to my mom. And Mom went right along with it. Made me mad because my mom came off looking stupid.
Later when we went to bed, Farah did her teacher impressions and we cracked up so hard I thought we’d pee our pants. Turned into a fun night after all.
Sept. 4
Yesterday was the first day of school. Jeannie barely said hi. I tried to talk with her and goof around, but she wouldn’t have it. Marcella had her nose so high in the air I’m surprised she didn’t get frostbite.
Marc walked me to class! Score!
He’s so nice. I wish he’d kiss me already.
I think I saw Jeannie watching us, but I’m not sure. Maybe she likes him, too. Hey, maybe Marc is popular.
Sept. 6
There’s a new guy at school. Not sure what his name is because I don’t have classes with him. I snooped, so I know he’s a sophomore like me.
He’s drop-dead gorgeous. My hands go clammy when I look at him. This morning in the hallway, he glanced my way and I think he winked. I hope I’m right. But then I was walking with Farah at the time, so maybe he was winking at her.
I didn’t dare say a thing. First of all, I have a boyfriend. Second of all, if Farah found out I thought he was hot she’d bug me till I’d want to strangle her. She’s always after me to do something even when I don’t want to do it. She usually gets her way.
I wonder if I’m cute enough for a guy like him? I think my hair is good. But I'm sure guys don’t think I’m cute. Proof One: Those two jerks in the mall. Proof Two: Never had a boyfriend until now. Proof Three: I have eyeballs and when I look in the mirror, I still see the girl those guys laughed at.